Saturday, December 1, 2012

WHEN YOUR NAME REFUSES TO GROW UP


“Bhombol….”  Shouts a middle aged Bengali lady at the retreating back of her twenty something son. The young man  walks away without responding. Then the father yells “Bhombol..”  scolding him for ignoring his mother when she was calling him. The young man comes back sullenly and gives his mother a patient hearing after which he whispers fiercely   into  her ear to refrain from calling out to him publicly using his pet name!
Sounds familiar?  How many of us have faced the embarrassment of having a childhood “pet” name following us into our youth, middle age and sometimes even our old age?

I remember an incident when my daughter was about three years old. We were in Trivandrum ,  visiting my husband’s grand uncle. This old gentleman – the youngest in his family was called lovingly by his older brothers and sisters as “Baby” . The brothers and sisters grew up and so did he but the name stuck! He was known by the following generations as “Baby Appachen” ( Baby Grandfather). When we reached his house, the three year old announced loudly that she wanted to meet the “Baby”. The octogenarian replied saying that he was the Baby. She refused to believe him because he was an “old man” and therefore could not be a “Baby”.   He in turn tried to tell her that he was once like her a – a baby and that was how the name came about. I don’t know if it convinced her but she probably thought that the old man was pulling her leg because she could not imagine some one so old being  ever a baby!
My daughter herself has a pet name with which she used to introduce herself proudly when she was a little girl. Ofcourse, we are no longer allowed to use that -especially around her friends. We have to constantly remind my father about this rule because of his failing memory!

But I find this tradition of pet names  very interesting. I mean it is one thing to shorten a long name like Priyadarshini to Priya or Manoharan to Mano for ease of use but to actually use some other name –something that usually means something silly or does not mean anything at all is beyond me! I think it is  probably unique to us in India.  Infact each region has its own special group of such names.
Bengalis are definitely the monarchs of this  pet name culture. They give their children beautiful flowery names from history and mythology. This name called “Bhalo naam” or “Good name”  is rarely used anywhere except probably at school. Most of the time the children are called by their “Dak naam” or “calling name”. An entire book can be compiled on Bengali  “Dak naams’. They are gender desegregated too. Some common female pet names “Mamoni”, “ Tinky”, “ Rinky”, “ Rinku” “ Mithoo”  while male ones include “Babla”, “Khokhon” “Bhombol” “Boomba” “ Tutu” “Pintu” etc !

Malayalis have their own list. But the interesting thing about Malayalis ( particularly the Christians) is that these can sometimes also be formal names. I had a friend in primary school called “Jijo” . His brother was called “Sojjo” . This was how their names were entered in the school register!  Some of these names can also be unisex but generally the suffix can be safely used to predict the gender. For e.g Shiji would be a girl while Shijo a boy! There is also the habit of adding “Mol” to pet names of girls. “Mol” is an affectionate way of addressing a little girl but it gets tagged on to your pet name or sometimes your regular name if you are Mallu. How many “ Mini Mols”  or “ Suja Mols” do you know of ? I know of five- 3 MMs and 2 SMs!
Tam Brahms are not so complicated. They restrict the pet name business to a few common ones “ Ambi” is usually a boy. Unfortunately “Ambi”  can also be used to denote a very nerdy kind of fellow who likes to remain tied to his mother’s apron strings! Viji or Raji are common female pet names but  they are usually short forms for Vijaya , Vijaylakshmi, Rajashree or Rajalakshmi. “Paapa’  I understand was a hot favorite at one time ( I am sure there are many “Paapa patis” or grandmothers in many Tam Brahm families)

Girls who answer to names like “Pappi” “Paapayi”  and boys answering to “Babu” would be from Andhra. “Babu”  is actually a sort of common noun to address a little boy ( like “Mol” or “Mon” in Malayalam). “Bujji” is a unisex pet name-both boys and girls answer to it in many part of Andhra!
And then there are the Punjabi pet names which are probably the most interesting! “ Sweety” “ Pinky” “Guddu” , “ Gulu” are just some examples from that vast list! Unlike the Bongs, the Punjus          ( except may be the Sikhs) don’t really invest much effort on creating a flowery sounding “Good name” for the external world. Sometimes these little names also function as that “proper”  names. So it may be rather surprising to find someone  with a grand name like “ Tejinder Singh” or “ Amanpreet Kaur” actually being called “Gullu” or “Neelu”  –seems like a sort of come down in life doesn’t it?

As parents we use a lot of endearments with our babies and these unfortunately stick around right through their lives. How many of us have used our knowledge of a friend’s pet name as black mail during college? The fear of  their  pet name becoming common knowledge within the campus would probably be a young girl or boy’s worst night mare- I sometimes think that boys dread this more than girls. Maybe it is because girls are more understanding about these things.

But I can understand the difficulty that we as elders have in remembering this. I guess this comes from our associations with the person as a child. We probably do not realize that the person has grown up and outgrown his/her childish name. So next time before  you decide to yell “ Tinku” at your twenty year old cousin brother remember he may be the college hero or your little niece “Babli”  may actually be “Sush” ( short for Sushmita?) in her class. I know I should  also follow this strictly and remember not to call a recently married young man ( my cousin ) “Chikki" - particularly in front of his wife !

 

10 comments:

Jack said...

Meera,

Right you are. That way I am very lucky as our Dadi, father's mother, ensured that no pet or nick names were given except shortening any lengthy name. We followed that and never gave any nick names to our children or grandchildren. Some of our close relatives are still known by their childhood pet names.

Take care

SG said...

Very well written. I think about my own family. We called our grand mother "manni". Also, manni for our maternal uncle's wives. How to distinguish? Grand mother is "peria manni". Uncles' wives are Jaya Manni, Kalyani Manni, Alamelu Manni.

anilkurup said...

That is a thoughtful post on a subject that we consider trivia and flippant. But the embarrassment it can cause is as you said pretty discomforting.

But isn't the most funny pet names are of the Punjabis, "Tinku, Puppy, Mikky, Pinky" and so on?

A moniker is fine , for instance Indu being Indira and Balan or Balu for Balachandran.
But let me say that inadvertently my suing the pet name of my wife ie "Christy"( as she was born on Xmas day) in the birth certificates of our children delayed their passport till they were eighteen. It was a unforgiving task to get the Corporation amend the mother's name.

B Pradeep Nair said...

So true, in most cases! But, I know a friend didn't like her formal name (Lakshmi), and instead stuck to her pet name (Rekha).

It happened when she was being admitted to school. She refused to accept her formal name. And she insisted that Rekha was her name! Parents no choice, and formalized her pet name!

Irfanuddin said...

Normally our names are an extremely large part of who we are and at times uttering a person's proper name requires too much of effort, where as these nicknames are informal and usually very easy to say and perhaps that is the reason they become so popular among our relatives and close friends.... but things become ackward when these nicknames are like "Jalebi or Rabri Devi"....

BTW a well penned post on an interesting topic Meera Ji....

Rahul Bhatia said...

You have dne quite a bit of research on pet names across India, Meera:) An enjoyable post!

Meera Sundararajan said...

@ Rahul and Irfan thanks for the feedback. I wish I knew more pet names - some are sooooo interesting :). I heard that Rabri Devi has a sister called "Rasgulla"- is that true?

Meera Sundararajan said...

@ Anil, I did not understand the issue very well. Why is the Corporation having a problem about your wife's name? By the way I got mine changed in my daugther's birth certificate from Meera Mathew back to Meera Sundararajan

@ Jack your Daadi was a very wise lady !

anilkurup said...

We got it done eventually.
Her given name is Caroline and the pet name as one can call it is Christy. Now , I inadvertently gave the name Christy in the birth certificates of the children. One in Chennai and the other In Trivandrum.Our Marriage certificate and her passport is in the name Caroline. Now to prove that Caroline is Christy and Christy is Caroline was the unenviable matter.

And you know these government offices that are meant to help the citizens. Well finally it was done.

Gayu said...

Very true Meera, most people do have weird nick names. My in-laws still at times call my hubby as "Pintu"...LOL..!!

The first time I heard that, I couldn't control my laughter and the poor guy was so embarrased:P
Most people do face difficulties to get their naame changed.

My friend Prema, her orig

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