Saturday, September 29, 2012

GETTING THAT STONE ROLLING AGAIN



I know it has been a really long time since my last post..! No,  it is not as though I have  been busy (being busy has never stopped me from finding time for blogging). It is just that I have been feeling rather disturbed during the course of the last few weeks… as I have been trying to push myself into making a decision!

A job offer  has come my way. A job with a very respectable organization which would offer me an opportunity to move out of my current sector into something else at double the salary and an arena which is hitherto un traversed.

So what you may ask is worrying me so much? It is a very simple thing- CHANGE!! I am experiencing feelings that I never thought I ever would..

For starters, I wish I would get over the illogical feelings that I seem to be having – particularly about this lap top on which I am currently typing! This battered old DELL  machine has come to symbolize my creativity. I am increasingly beginning to feel that like Samson who lost his strength when his hair was cut, I might lose my intelligence and creativity when I give up this machine!

I have been lying awake at nights thinking about how I used to work for nearly twelve hours – those were the days!!! We were a lovely team of people who used to argue endlessly with each other about almost everything and a boss with whom one never felt that one was working. He used to have music playing as he worked. Actually all of us did..  He had the habit of picking up CDs from our desk and forgetting to return them..I have had dozens of fights with him accusing him of “stealing” my CDs. He moved on to the head office to a more senior position and slowly others in the team either moved out of the organization or to other offices.  And there I was left all alone with a group that I could not relate to any way- socially, culturally or intellectually…

Over the last two years I have had a slow erosion of  passion and motivation until it reached a stage where going to office would be the most difficult thing for me..! Seven and a half years in the same place doing the same thing in an environment that I could no longer relate to, was beginning to take its toll on me.

So, why am I feeling like this when I get the opportunity to leave for something better?  My sister says it is a phenomenon called “inbreeding” where you do not like something but are reluctant to get out of it…Some call  it “getting out of one’s comfort zone”.

I  call this “getting older”. I see the world differently now. While I used to in my earlier days be constantly seeking change today the same change seems to be intimidating me. I am wondering whether status quo –however boring may be more tolerable to this change?   

There is also the fear of the unknown as I move into the “for profit” sector ! I feel like I am poised for jumping out of a plane. Fears like “what would happen if the parachute does not open up?” “what if I fall down and die” What if … What if ? So many questions!
There are more things at stake in terms of how this change may affect me and my life. I never knew I had become so “risk averse” in my forties! The “rolling stone” in her twenties and thirties has today gathered so much of moss around that it is now unable to move

But I made that decision finally last week and it has taken all my inner strength to do that  and set this stone rolling!

Insha Allah… the parachute will open up and I will have a smooth landing!


18 comments:

KParthasarathi said...

Best wishes.The parachute will not only open up but you will be landing on greener and newer pastures.The thrill of learning and doing new things would be exciting.I do hope you will have greater material comforts like a posh office,a car to commute and not- tiring office hours.
Let not the change of laptop stand in the way of your blogging.
Godspeed and good luck

Cloud Nine said...

Allah Kareem! May you have lovely days ahead in the new portfolio.Wishing you success in everything:)

SG said...

I also had this feeling before. Now that you have made your decision, please don't look back. When I had to make a decision like this, I always asked myself: Am I going towards something or running away from something. Going towards something is much better than running away from something.

simply mee said...

congratulations on your new job.
Glad you took the bold step.
yes, it is not easy to just let go after so many years.

Jack said...

Meera,

Wish you all the best in new organisation. I am sure that you will not only settle down fast but make your mark too. One needs to change to get over the staleness and take up new challenges. You can keep the laptop by paying for it, if you have such an attachment to it.

Take care

Irfanuddin said...

Best wishes for the new assignment Meera ji....

Looking forward to read more here about ur new experiences from a new laptop...:)

Christopher said...

I understand how painful it is when the organization you once loved to be a part of turns into one where you don't 'belong'. This is not only about the organization changing but also about the change in ourselves. I think you made the right move at the right time.

Funny that I feel sad that you are leaving this organization even though I am not a part of it anymore!

Change can be beautiful. Make the best of it and enjoy it. Wishing you the very best in your new role.

Rahul said...

Best of luck!!!:-) Hope things work out just fine.

Meera Sundararajan said...

Thank you all.... ! @ KP the posh office will be my home :)...!!!

@ Christopher yes the change is also probably within me.

@ Irfan certainly, will try to do justice from the new lap top

@ SG you are right - one needs to consider if it is the push or the pull factor that drives us

@ Jack I don't think I would want the lap top. When the change comes let it be complete

anindita said...

Best wishes Meera, the Parachute will surely keep flying you to pleasant lands. A very happy life ahead. Three Cheers To You

Gayu said...

Ahh...I can truly relate to this...as I am also going through somewhat a similar phase. It becomes so diifcult to break the cocoon and open the wings and fly...!!! We can know change is the only thing constant...but still...it becomes difficult.

I am glad that you took this decision to fly...and I shall pray that may you soar higher. May you get a lovely team with whom you can connect and may you get to explore the whole new world of oppurtunities:)
God Bless:)

Shilpa Garg said...

We usually talk about this our corporate trainings... "When was the last time I did something for the first time"... think abt this every 20 days, it will help you take the new steps easily. Actually, getting out of the comfort zones is a bit difficult for all of us, but when we take that first step in a new direction, very soon it becomes our comfort zone again!!
All the very best for the new assignment! Have faith, the parachute will open and the landing will be a smooth one!
Cheers :)

anilkurup said...

I 'm late in reading this post and commenting. Purely of my own volition. I have lost the zest to read or write on the Blog. The same kind of state that you mentioned. But not because of the choice of decisions but the fear of uncertainty.

Meera , it is the comparative cocoon of comfort that , perhaps you do not want to come out of that may have bothered you. But persevere there would be a safe landing. What else is the option other than tenacity in charting our course?

Aparna said...

All the best! You will do well in the new job. Change is inevitable.

Meera Sundararajan said...

Can't say much except thank you all for your best wishes. Anil I can understand how you feel. I am trying to get past this block. I think it may help to write about the feeling.

Thanks Shilpa and Gayu... Yes change is the only constant thing in our lives

Rhapsody B. said...

Blessings......
i haven't read it yet, but like anything else in life its probably an acquired taste. This year I have opened myself up to reading genres i haven't read before and explore a whole lot of books i would not have ordinarily read. My goal, 100 books. i am currently reading my 79th, 80th and 81st.

check out my list of reads at http://www.shelfari.com/rhapsodyphoenix, join me, follow me and let me see what you are reading. Perhaps I'll take a ride along the genres you're exploring. I am intent on pushing myself reading reads i would not normally choose.

stay blessed.
http://www.shelfari.com/rhapsodyphoenix

sunil deepak said...

By chance, only yesterday I had read a review of this book by an American critic and she was complaining that this book is just pornography, so why people are wasting their time criticising it and that no body ever criticises the porn books written for men.

About S&M, it is a common and recurring theme in male pornography and men who wish to be dominated by women is a common figure in these films. A leather wearing woman with a hunter or a stick a common figure in such situations and this has been depicted numerous times in films (I am not sure but I think that there was even a scene in Saathiya like that - with Rani Mukherjee and Vivek Oberoi, trying fantasies after their new marriage).

However even I find the idea of domination and subjugation, completely off-putting so you are not alone! :)

sunil deepak said...

Meera I had not read this post about your job changing. Best of luck. I hope that one day soon you can look back and wonder why you were feeling so worried about it! :)

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