Saturday, October 1, 2011

RAB NE BANA DI JODI- A match made in Heaven



Jaya weds Naren” scream all the posters around Chentai the capital city of Tumblenadu.  The city has been decorated with floral arches and all traffic has been stopped on the way to the bride’s house. The government has declared a holiday for all - God forbid if you work today.! Your office will be smashed. Our bridegroom has assured his beloved that he will bring with him the  most experienced rioters in his baraat,, just in case..! 

Giant sized cardboard cut outs of the bride dressed in different traditional attires of Tumblenadu soar up to the skies casting eerie shadows over the vehicles that pass over the various flyovers…!

Power has been drawn out of electrical transformers along the city to keep those fairy lights twinkling . “We have a lot of experience in drawing unauthorized power like this for public functions. We did this in 1996 and are ready to do it again after a decade and a half ”  boasts the Chairman of the Tumblenadu Electricity Board.

The bride sits resplendent in a red sari, loaded with jewellery while holding  an exclusive interview with a journalist from “Starblast” at her palatial residence. Jaya looked as beautiful as Indra’s Airavat! Her 40 inch waist is clasped in a gold belt weighing over 10 kgs ( a minor aberration to her 150 kg weight). Her one foot wide face is blushed red. (is she shy or is her BP soaring?).

The white haired and bearded groom grins happily adjusting the saffron scarf around his neck.

“So how did this happen”?  asks  Silicoanne Simi  from Starblast stretching her botoxed face into a wide smile.

“I have always admired Naren. He is the most dynamic Chief Minister in India. Never cared about anything including –democracy and secularism. I respect his ideology”  says Jaya looking fondly at Naren.

“ Well, who would have thought that I can receive a proposal from a film star and that too in my sixties? My imagination has always been fired by plump women. Unfortunately women from my state do not come in that ready made state of plumpness. One has to wait through a few years of marriage before they achieve those mammoth proportions. But  this is more than just plump.. she is positively obese. My cup overflows with happiness ” said Naren smiling.

 Silicoanne arches an already stretched eyebrow raised through various face lifts. “So who proposed to whom?”

“  I did …! I sent a letter to him through my two party workers  seeking  his hand in marriage. “ says Jaya never one to let go of  control over a situation. “I was so troubled about all that fasting. I mean it is not going to do any good things to his health is it? He needs someone in his life to guide him and look after him. With all these cases and activists against him. my poor baby can hardly spare any time for anything else . Look at my state how well I have managed to keep people sated with liquor, mixers and grinders!”

“ Oh sweetheart you are the best! You know Silicoanneji I just  LOVE megalomaniacs. No woman leader in our country is as power crazy as her. Give her the chance and she can demonstrate her capacities to spread terror among people just like me” says Naren proudly

“What about Mayawati or Mamata? Are they not interesting?” asks Silicoanne.

 “ Oh not Mayaben. I cant keep hopping into jets to go sandal shopping. And Mamtaben,,, I am afraid of her after the Nano episode. Jayaben is better. She can speak English, she is convent educated and she shares my ideology”

“Ben…you mean sister  “ asks Silicoanne puzzled..

“ Well.. Amma then. I respect  women too much! I cant think of them in any other way” retorts  Naren

“ Naren.. I told you  those khaki shorts you wear are dangerous! Now look what they  have done to you!  Goodness knows how long you have been wearing them! ” says Jaya with concern.

“Ok Naren bhai.. tell me what do you think about her relationship with MGM?”  Silicoanne  asks, eyes gleaming expecting a quote on this ..

“MGM ? He was her mentor. He treated her like his sister even though he did not wear khaki shorts” says Naren with a loud guffaw.

“Considering both your ages, what are your plans about starting a family” asked Silicoanne slyly.

Jaya “ No problem there is always Dr.Kamala Selvaraj and GG hospital. I knew her father personally. So she will make sure that she picks out our best genetic codes in that test tube of hers.” .

“And if that does not work we can always fall back on the surrogate mothers. Remember my state has the highest numbers of surrogate mothers” says Naren proudly!

Silicoanne’- “So what can we expect in terms of benefits for the people of  the two states as a result of this matrimonial alliance”

“20% off on all liquor procured from our state run liquor outlet- this would apply only for my inlaws. My gift will quench the thirst of the people from this  dry state. Dhoklas to be included as part of the menu in the noon meal scheme for children in our state”  says Jaya with a smile..

“And ahem.. what about Suryakala”? asks Silicoanne

“ What about her? She is very much part of my life. We are after all good friends. Naren is going to accept me with her We will be a happy threesome” says Jaya emphatically indicating the subject as closed.

Even a worldly wise Silicoanne looks shocked..

Enter Captain V. Kanth “Everyone is ready. Come on  Thalikatta time acchu..”  Jaya ambles along putting the elephants of Thrissur pooram to shame..

 “Who is going to do the kanyadaan?” asks Silicoanne unable to resist herself.  “ The captain. He is her only surviving family member” Naren adjusts his saffron scarf and follows.



Well,, what can I say? This is certainly a match made in heaven!

13 comments:

Cloud Nine said...

ROFL!!! Meera, i knew you were up to something, but this is just unbelievable!!! BANG!!! Hahaha...and that 'threesome' comment had me in splits:)))ROCK ON!!!

Christopher said...

For sheer imagination, it doesn't just take the cake, it takes the whole bakery!

Who knows - your idea may reach them and they may take it seriously.

Meera Sundararajan said...

Thank you folks..! Lets hope I dont get lynched by some political types after this :(

Pradeep Raj said...

hahahaha.. nice one.. :).. This should be made into a cartoon strip and published in our local magazines.. :)

Deepa said...

You better prepare to enter some 'witness protection programme'!!

KP said...

That was superb.. he he..! lovely, what an imagination.. I feel happy that i know politricks to some extend to understand everybody/thing meant here! lol!

anindita said...

ha, ha,ha, ha, ha, all the best to Naren bhai and Jaya Ben oops amma....hum sab aapke bachche jaise hee hain...mixer, grinder, TV ke waqt hamein na bhoolna..

Soo baat chhe! Rab ne bana di jori...saras chhe..

Meera Sundararajan said...

Thanks folks... Pradeep, if I could draw I would have done those cartoons and made a comic strip and KP glad you could understand those jokes ( I promise that they did not come out of my pure mind- they emanated from my husband's dirty mind :)). Ani,,tumko mixer grinder chahiye to south aana padega! Deepa, look I am still alive and free...

anindita said...

Meera..South kyun aanaa padega? Bridegrrom toh aapro state maa chhey...aa toh maahraa 'Baabul ka ghar chhey' amma yaha mixer-grinder bhej sakti hai na

Red Handed said...

Hhahahahahah THREESOME...hahahahaah
This was epic!!! Had me in splits!!

Chintan Gupta said...

Yes reebok needs to payback. You can follow the link in the post....

And this was quite funny :-D poor simi is everyone's fav

anilkurup said...

Hi, I wish I go into your older posts too. But not now , feeling sleepy may be tomorrow.
Let me say that the story threw me back to the read of "Saga of Dharmapuri" the 1975 satire of O.V.Vijayan.

Good sense of wit and idea.Imagining a real life scene will be frightening though.

Hariharan Valady said...

Hilarious. You have brought Kamala Selvaraj also into this!

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