“Jaya weds Naren” scream all the posters around Chentai the capital city of Tumblenadu. The city has been decorated with floral arches and all traffic has been stopped on the way to the bride’s house. The government has declared a holiday for all - God forbid if you work today.! Your office will be smashed. Our bridegroom has assured his beloved that he will bring with him the most experienced rioters in his baraat,, just in case..!
Giant sized cardboard cut outs of the bride dressed in different traditional attires of Tumblenadu soar up to the skies casting eerie shadows over the vehicles that pass over the various flyovers…!
Power has been drawn out of electrical transformers along the city to keep those fairy lights twinkling . “We have a lot of experience in drawing unauthorized power like this for public functions. We did this in 1996 and are ready to do it again after a decade and a half ” boasts the Chairman of the Tumblenadu Electricity Board.
The bride sits resplendent in a red sari, loaded with jewellery while holding an exclusive interview with a journalist from “Starblast” at her palatial residence. Jaya looked as beautiful as Indra’s Airavat! Her 40 inch waist is clasped in a gold belt weighing over 10 kgs ( a minor aberration to her 150 kg weight). Her one foot wide face is blushed red. (is she shy or is her BP soaring?).
The white haired and bearded groom grins happily adjusting the saffron scarf around his neck.
“So how did this happen”? asks Silicoanne Simi from Starblast stretching her botoxed face into a wide smile.
“I have always admired Naren. He is the most dynamic Chief Minister in India. Never cared about anything including –democracy and secularism. I respect his ideology” says Jaya looking fondly at Naren.
“ Well, who would have thought that I can receive a proposal from a film star and that too in my sixties? My imagination has always been fired by plump women. Unfortunately women from my state do not come in that ready made state of plumpness. One has to wait through a few years of marriage before they achieve those mammoth proportions. But this is more than just plump.. she is positively obese. My cup overflows with happiness ” said Naren smiling.
Silicoanne arches an already stretched eyebrow raised through various face lifts. “So who proposed to whom?”
“ I did …! I sent a letter to him through my two party workers seeking his hand in marriage. “ says Jaya never one to let go of control over a situation. “I was so troubled about all that fasting. I mean it is not going to do any good things to his health is it? He needs someone in his life to guide him and look after him. With all these cases and activists against him. my poor baby can hardly spare any time for anything else . Look at my state how well I have managed to keep people sated with liquor, mixers and grinders!”
“ Oh sweetheart you are the best! You know Silicoanneji I just LOVE megalomaniacs. No woman leader in our country is as power crazy as her. Give her the chance and she can demonstrate her capacities to spread terror among people just like me” says Naren proudly
“What about Mayawati or Mamata? Are they not interesting?” asks Silicoanne.
“ Oh not Mayaben. I cant keep hopping into jets to go sandal shopping. And Mamtaben,,, I am afraid of her after the Nano episode. Jayaben is better. She can speak English, she is convent educated and she shares my ideology”
“Ben…you mean sister “ asks Silicoanne puzzled..
“ Well.. Amma then. I respect women too much! I cant think of them in any other way” retorts Naren
“ Naren.. I told you those khaki shorts you wear are dangerous! Now look what they have done to you! Goodness knows how long you have been wearing them! ” says Jaya with concern.
“Ok Naren bhai.. tell me what do you think about her relationship with MGM?” Silicoanne asks, eyes gleaming expecting a quote on this ..
“MGM ? He was her mentor. He treated her like his sister even though he did not wear khaki shorts” says Naren with a loud guffaw.
“Considering both your ages, what are your plans about starting a family” asked Silicoanne slyly.
Jaya “ No problem there is always Dr.Kamala Selvaraj and GG hospital. I knew her father personally. So she will make sure that she picks out our best genetic codes in that test tube of hers.” .
“And if that does not work we can always fall back on the surrogate mothers. Remember my state has the highest numbers of surrogate mothers” says Naren proudly!
Silicoanne’- “So what can we expect in terms of benefits for the people of the two states as a result of this matrimonial alliance”
“20% off on all liquor procured from our state run liquor outlet- this would apply only for my inlaws. My gift will quench the thirst of the people from this dry state. Dhoklas to be included as part of the menu in the noon meal scheme for children in our state” says Jaya with a smile..
“And ahem.. what about Suryakala”? asks Silicoanne
“ What about her? She is very much part of my life. We are after all good friends. Naren is going to accept me with her We will be a happy threesome” says Jaya emphatically indicating the subject as closed.
Even a worldly wise Silicoanne looks shocked..
Enter Captain V. Kanth “Everyone is ready. Come on Thalikatta time acchu..” Jaya ambles along putting the elephants of Thrissur pooram to shame..
“Who is going to do the kanyadaan?” asks Silicoanne unable to resist herself. “ The captain. He is her only surviving family member” Naren adjusts his saffron scarf and follows.
Well,, what can I say? This is certainly a match made in heaven!