Tuesday, May 3, 2011

WHEN FORM OVERTAKES SUBSTANCE


All that I seem to be hearing about these days  is the royal wedding ( Osama’s death notwithstanding!). What Kate wore, the cars, the bridesmaids dresses and not to mention the outlandish head gear of some of the ladies among the guests. I remember over three decades ago – another wedding in the same family – a lovely nineteen year old girl marrying a prince twice her age. That was my first exposure to a wedding of this magnitude. We did not have televisions those days relaying the program live and neither was there internet. But somehow the magazines managed to convey enough through the lovely colour pictures! Like the teenager that I was, I felt that this is what fairy tales are all made up of….! So, it was very difficult to accept it when this “golden couple” broke up!

 What was a novelty those days however seems to be something very common now- both the grand weddings as well as the break ups.  Liz Hurley and Arun Nayyar being another much publicised marriage that broke up.  Not sure what is the status of the other famous weddings – Aish- Abhishek, Shipa Shetty and … Raj Kundra….????

 Now each time there is a marriage of this proportion I almost keep my fingers crossed….! 

However, the interesting thing is that these kinds of weddings are nowadays not restricted to people of celebrity status alone. I have myself attended weddings which are nothing short of  “productions”!! I am told these days people almost expect that weddings WOULD be like this!  There are huge numbers of people who earn their livelihoods on these “productions”- wedding planners, artists, florists, cooks, invitation makers et al! ( BTW there are wedding planners who are ISO certified says an article!!!)

I often wonder what happens to these couples? Are they still married to each other? Sadly the answer is not  always“yes”.

Since marriages these days have a lot of pressures on account of our life style and the expectations that couples have of each other, I cannot understand why people would invest so much on a ceremony which we are not sure is actually “sealing”  a relationship for life!

I remember my mother’s first reaction when I told her about the divorce of a girl whose marriage we had attended- “Oh my god. After all that expenditure…!”she sighed. I am also inclined to think like that.  While I agree that we should not begin a relationship thinking it would break I cant understand these “ over the top” celebrations.

Given the fact that the weddings are more by way of “productions” the bride and groom along with the other family members seem to suddenly start playing a part in the show with expensive props. So what we have is a lot of “form” which sadly does not get translated into “substance”. However the issue is how much are we willing to invest in that form? Afterall this is life and not some Yash Chopra film….!

And true love in itself is a celebration. It does not require all these props. 

 

10 comments:

Ibhade said...

So true my dear friend...i share the same feelings about weddings..but when said about people that do it, one would be mocked at saying it's because one can't afford it! SO i had learnt to keep my thoughts to myself and wish them the best and sigh whenever i hear of a break-up. The truth is that humans like to 'class' themselves because of EGO, PRIDE AND ARROGANCE!

Some people actually commented that kate wedding gown was plain! What were they expecting, I DUNNO! I personally love her simplicity which is timeless. Yes, Diana wanted a prince but the prince wanted his love whom he still went back to,thereby forfeiting his throne for marrying a divorcee! I wish the couples the best and hope the paparazzi would leave them ALONE!

In Nigeria, MANY people spend more on the ceremony forgetting that the couples would live after that! Some is the wedding gown & rings,some the cake, some the venue..but forgetting that expenses would be met in their matrimonial home which might lead to quarrels when money becomes short or paying their debts!

p.s,,,sorry for writing such a long post in your post, this is an issue that is close to my heart and does bother me; PEOPLE SHOULD STOP CHASING SHADOWS AND FOCUS ON THE MAIN ISSUE! tnx

cloud nine said...

Dear Meera...another outstanding post from you! "props" play a very important role in weddings these days. The very institution of marriage is threatened when we do things 'over the top'. Wedding is not about the dress, the cake, the guests, the flowers- its all about love and understanding. Unless we stop such ostentatious weddings, there is no Hope for Love...

Saumya said...

This is so true...sometimes I feel that people want to squeeze all their hopes and dreams into a wedding if for nothing else than to be able to make the occasion a fairy tale. We place that day on such a pedestal while failing to do the same for the marriage. Great post!

KParthasarathi said...

Unexceptionable.But as you have said these'productions' help spread money around and entertainment to many who watch from sidelines.But such incredible show of wealth and pomp at least in poor countries like ours is jarring to say the least.

Emmy said...

You are right.. but meera i thinkt he reason fro divorce is because.. the couples.. when they have a fight.. they do not sit and work it our for themselves, they bring in 3rd parties with a loud opinion and this causes drama between the couple which results in a break up! people need to solve their own problems rather than involving mom day.. brother.. sis best friend! it's your life.. not theirs..

Heavenly Muse said...

i always insisted the same thing...the three or four days of wedding are not as important the as the life coming afterwards....

Meera Sundararajan said...

I am glad that there are so many sensible people like all of you .... I was beginning to think that I was some kind of a freak who did not enjoy "good shows":-) Emmy I am amazed at the sensitivity that a young person like you has with regard to the divorce issue. Ibhade you should see the jewellery shops in Chennai( where I live) during the wedding season. I often wonder during those days where the poor in this country are...! One of the major reasons for indebtedness in our country are these wasteful items of expenditure!

Rachna said...

Even though I find these over-the-top weddings quite obnoxious because they waste a lot of money and parents end up taking debts. But, I don't think it has anything to do with whether a relationship survives or dies. I mean, it would hardly hurt less if you spent less on someone's wedding and it still broke.

Narayani Karthik said...

A good article! and very true...!!

dr.antony said...

Weddings have become a time to show off.Recently I was watching the weddings of J Lopez.With a 1.5 million dollar wedding ring, one of them lasted ten months!
No need to link marriage and love.For many, love starts after marriage.Marriage is truly a social institution.
It is a gamble to invest in marriage,especially these days.Surprisingly,most of the hi profile weddings have short life.

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